Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Rollercoaster...

I officially feel like I'm on the world's worst roller coaster ride.  The past 24 hours have been interesting around here.  I feel like no one is on the same page. 

It all started yesterday around 3pm.  I was put on the monitor for my usual afternoon session.  However, it was interrupted because I was needed at PDC for a sonogram (see previous post on the crazy miscommunication for that).  Before I left, I asked the nurse if they had enough strip for the afternoon and was told yes.  I had been on the monitor for 30 minutes, so it was more than enought to see that the baby was doing great.  I was back from my sonogram for about 20 minutes or so before the nurses came in and said that they needed me to go back on the monitor for another hour.  Well, of course, this strip didn't go so well.  The baby had a few different dips/decelerations, so it was panic time.  Everyone came running in, threw the oxygen on me, increased the iv fluids, had me turn over, etc.  I texted Nick at work that he may want to start heading our way since things weren't looking good. 


About an hour later, one of the doctors came in, reviewed the strip, and said that it was fine for me to come off the monitor.  Poor Nick arrived right about the time that I came off the monitor and was sitting up in bed (finally) eating dinner.

I was put back on the monitor again around 11pm for the night monitoring and again, same situation.  Baby had dips/decels, so back on the oxygen, flip/turn, increase fluids, etc.  This time the nurse contacted the doctor on call and he suggested that I stay on for another hour - aka until 1am.  Meanwhile, another doctor walked in and declared that everything was fine and took me off the monitor.  Confused yet?!?  Welcome to my world.

I was so freaked out by yesterday that I asked Nick to stay at the hospital with me.  I didn't want to be alone, especially with how yesterday was going.

This morning I'm assigned to a nurse that I've never had before.  I can predict how that is going to go.  Already on my morning strip she was concerned about some minor blip.  The perinatologist walked in and looked at the strip and said, "Yup, that's going to happen.  She's ruptured."

So basically it comes down to nurses vs. doctors.  The nurses flip out about the decels and in turn, completely freak me out because they come running in barking orders.  Every single time they run in, my heart breaks just a little bit more.  Last night I couldn't help but cry.  I was exhausted.  It was almost midnight and it was the last thing I could handle at the time.  I try my best to hold it together, but after the day I had and pure exhaustion kicking in, I couldn't keep it together last night.  I'm so scared, so frustrated, and so confused by all of this.  I definitely had a "Why me/Why us/Why her" moment.  I know things could be so much worse and I know people deal with worse everyday, but every now and again I need a woe-is-me moment.  I just want to be home.  I just want to wake up and go to work like it's a normal day.  It just makes it all the more confusing when the doctors all seem to agree that these dips are normal and are going to continue to happen because of the lack of amniotic fluid. 

So, the emotional roller coaster continues. 

As of today, we've officially made it two weeks.  No matter what happens at this point, we've bought her two more weeks in the womb.

Week #3 starts today...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are all in my thoughts. Stay strong. Karen has sent me your blog page since I am not on facebook yet.

Sharon Morin

Anonymous said...

Hey there! Becky shared this website with us, and I think all of the Hendricksons are now following you. I am so sorry you had an awful night. Hang in there. I know how very scary all of this is, and I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. That baby is strong, and you're doing amazing things in that hospital for her. I know that there have been a lot of ups and downs, but at the end of the day you are still pregnant and that baby girl is still thriving. Hang in there!

Susan Carmi

Anonymous said...

Oh my..... It's ok to have a few good cries!!! I know it's hard right now but you are the BEST mom -- because you are doing everything that you need to do for the best results-- keep it up girlfriend!! We are all back at school and everyone is thinking of you!!!

Sherrie Feffer-Thoman said...

Jenn,
You are entitled to woe-is-me moments! Sometimes a good cry helps. Let it out! This is scary. This does suck. This is not fair!

Perhaps the nurses and doctors could get on the same page?? In a perfect world, right?

Yes, you did buy DQ another two weeks. And i'm feeling positive that you'll buy her more! You are doing all you can. You are strong, you can do it!

Love,
Sherrie